Tag Archives: advice

Words to live by…

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Sophie and Jess offer their wisdom aided by the late great blind black Cocker Spaniel, Moby…

Moby: Just because humans put it in the bin, doesn’t necessarily mean that you couldn’t eat it.

Sophie: In fact, don’t assume that something is inedible until you have actually tried it. Who would have known that socks and undies were so tasty? Great texture. The toes and crutch are the best bits.

Moby: You will always regret not stealing that bread if you don’t do it now!

Moby: Any flat (or flatten-able) item on the floor is potentially a dog bed.

Sophie: Any human bed is definitely a dog bed.

Jess: Humans look silly when they have no fur on.

Sophie: … and yet, humans are dirtier and smellier than dogs. They need one or even two baths a day or they start to pong but we can go weeks at a time. Sniff me! Go on, tell me honestly.

Jess: Fresh as a daisy. Actually maybe you sat on a daisy. The other day, I scooted on mint… really fresh… tingly too.

Sophie: You dirty old dog, you… and you’ve been spayed!

Wisdom: it’s not what it used to be.

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We’re often quoted the words of the ancients as being evergreen and relevant to our lives today. Why not instead hear from the ordinary folk? Surely everyone wasn’t parading about in a toga philosophising. Instead of Pliny the Elder, what about Plonko the dimwit? Surely volumes could be written from his lips… but why would you bother, you ask? “Don’t bend over to look in a cupboard and then stand up abruptly,” doesn’t compare with “I think therefore I am.” No, actually it’s a lot more practical isn’t it?

I’ve seen any number of people who would benefit from this sort of grass-roots advice:

  • If you are fat and forty, parcour is not for you.
  • If you spend all your money you’ll have none.
  • Don’t use an edge trimmer to mow a whole lawn.
  • That person is only being complimentary because they work for you.

In case you think I’m being smug, I would benefit from not bending over, walking into our metal chicken shed and then standing up. In fact, at the risk of demolishing my own case that prior advice might help, I’ve done this on more than one occasion!

Nevertheless, Plonko, who has done every stupid thing in the book, reminds us not to walk around with our head in the clouds, over-engineering things and ignoring the obvious.